Your tone was a good kid. It got grades that, while not spectacular, were sufficient to some day go to college, get a middle class career, and afford a nice home in the suburbs. It did its chores when its mom asked. It played sports in school. People around town would say about your tone, ďSomeone raised that child right.Ē
But then your tone discovered Tube Screamers. It went out of control. Fast. Nights it used to spent studying for tests were now spent throwing glass bottles at passing trains and seducing prostitutes/roadside diner hostesses with its charm. Your tone got like, three chicks pregnant. Your tone was only 17. Your tone didnít know how to provide for children. It hadnít even finished school. So your tone took the only option available, it became a mercenary.
The chainsmoking 17 year old child was forced to become a man to provide for the four children it had on the way (one mother was pregnant with twins). It started to run with an even rougher crowd. Ex Black Ops types whoís services could be purchased if you had a shit ton of money and not a lot of morals.
Your tone did shit like jump out of a helicopter at midnight with a combat knife clenched between its teeth to assassinate an Argentinian drug kingpin. Your tone slept with a loaded revolver under its pillow. When your tone was even sleeping on a pillow. Because holy shit, half the time your tone was sleeping in trees in the jungle with a sniper rifle waiting for the right shot to come up and the other half of the time your tone was not sleeping at all because it was high as fuck on speed.
Your tone literally didnít have time for pillows.
When your tone came back to the states to see its children, seventeen war crime convictions and five years later, it showed up to the child support hearing on a fucking motorcycle. Like it roared up to the witness stand, took off its mirrored aviator sunglasses, and gave the female judge a look so rampantly sexual she immediately orgasmed and had to call for a recess.
It turns out that none of the children were actually your toneís. Because it was all a dream. Your tone is actually sterile and incapable of producing children.
You know why?
BECAUSE YOUR TONE DOESNíT USE TUBESCREAMERS.
This is the coolest Tube Screamer available for sale in a first world country. In nice shape, perfectly functional. Has velcro affixed to the back. To affix it to a pedal board so it stays put. Why is it important that it stays put? HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED GUITAR IN ZERO GRAVITY? There is some string stuck in the velcro. Itís not enough string to weave a motherfucking awesome autobigraphical medieval tapestry of your life, but itís enough for maybe like, half of a very small tapestry. I can add more string if you would like. Velcro is wonderful for holding string. It does it even when you donít want it to. Sold as pictured.
$85 shipped and insured CONUS