Here was how my completely ignorant ass played the game:
Ten seconds in: First mission was to open my storage. God damn, I am a fucking genius.
Twenty seconds in: Second mission is to build a table? Pfff! I got this in the bag, baby.
An hour later: None of these fucking giant plant trees give me wood, they all just give me plant fibre! And it takes like ten god damned minutes to chop one down with the matter manipulator! Holy hell, what the fuck am I supposed to do with all this fibre? I've made like a hundred god damned bandages and I need them because everything here HATES ME.
Two hours later: Oh, I see... there are OTHER trees. Trees that give you actual WOOD wood. Hey, look, I made a fucking table!
Three hours later: Jesus, this matter manipulator makes me want to shoot myself. Does this thing ever get an upgrade?
Four hours later: Oh shit, I could've made a pickaxe out of that stone and wood instead of torches and cobblestone for this flimsy fucking fort.
Half a day later: I've got a table, a furnace, a bed, a campfire and this weird poison table thing I found schematics for. I've got a copper pickaxe and a n axe and a hoe and crops growing out in my yard. I MUST BE THE BADDEST MOTHERFUCKER ON THIS PLANET.
Ten seconds later: Nope.
An hour later: Oh, so I can dig a hole in the background to drain all this fucking poison water that I'm surrounded on all sides by! WELL SHIT.
Two hours later: I'm just going to start digging straight down and see what I can find. Ahh, copper, copper, iron, coal, coal, iron... HOLY SHIT SILVER! I'VE HIT PAYDIRT.
Two minutes later: What the? Sand? Okay, sweet. I bet I can smelt some glass! ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh FWUMP
Fifty torches later: So there seems to be no way out of this cave full of gravel and sand except to keep digging straight down. What the-- slime? I've hit a slime layer! I'm going to COLLECT ALL THE SLIME! Oh, no I'm not... this just goes on and on and on...
Five minutes later: Sewage layer? What the fuck kind of weird planet is this? Slime and sewage? Is this the core? Tons of poison down here too... and this shit doesn't drain like the stuff up above did.
Back aboard my ship: Check it, I finally have the materials to make that distress beacon the quest called for!
Beamed down, five minutes later: Look at all this nice stuff. I got full iron armor, an iron bow, a silver pickaxe, anvil, cooking station, hamburgers to eat, a distress beacon beaconing away on my roof... I MUST BE THE BADDEST MOTHERFUCKER ON THE PLANET!
I wonder what options I have when I click use on the distress beacon?
WHERE THE FUCK DID THESE PENGUINS COME FROM
WHO IS FIREBOMBING MY ROOF
THERE GOES MY COBBLESTONE BASE
I'M HIDING IN A FUCKING GOPHER HOLE SHOOTING ARROWS AT A MOTHERFUCKING UFO THAT IS SMASHING ITS WAY DOWN TO ME
SAVE ME JEBUS
Guess I better beam back down and repair my base.
HOLY FUCK THE UFO IS STILL THERE
HOLY FUCK THAT PENGUIN IS IN A GOD DAMN TANK
Well WTF am I going to do? That penguin invasion force is going to kick my ass the second I beam down!
[Beams down anyway]
GATHER ALL THE STUFF
RUN FOR MY FUCKING SHIP
STUFF LOGS AND COAL IN THE FUEL TANK
FLY THE FUCK AWAY
Lesson learned: Don't fucking build a distress beacon.
I love it! But maybe we shouldn't make building the distress beacon be mission number... what, 5? 6? When apparently it's a doomsday device. It's like, "Mission 1, collect your matter mover! Mission 2, build a table! Mission 3, collect some ore and smelt it! Mission 4, collect some meat and cook it! Mission 5, BUILD A FUCKING NUCLEAR BOMB AND SET IT OFF"