How to treat the band

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Thread: How to treat the band

  1. #1

    Join Date: Sep 2008
    Location: London ONT
    ME: PRS Custom 22
    Rig: JCM800

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    How to treat the band

    Taken from guitarscanada

    How to treat the band

    When requesting a song from the band, just say "play my song", or "it goes
    something like this" then hum a few bars! We have a chip implanted in our
    heads with an unlimited database with the favorite tunes of every patron
    who ever walked into a bar & all songs ever recorded, so feel free to be
    vague, we love the challenge.

    If we do not remember exactly what tune you want, we're only kidding.
    Bands know every song ever recorded, so keep humming. Hum harder if need be
    ... it helps jog the memory.

    If a band tells you they do not know a song you want to hear, they either
    forgot that they know the tune or they are just putting you on. Try singing
    few words for the band. Any words.

    If one member halfway knows part of a chorus, the rest of the band will
    instantly learn the entire song by osmosis. Knowing this, if the band still
    claims to not know your song, it helps to just keep requesting the same
    song every time there is a break.

    It also helps to scream your request from across the room several times
    per set followed by the phrases, "AW COME ON!" and, "YOU SUCK!" Exaggerated
    hand gestures expressing disapproval from the dance floor are a big help as
    well, such as the thumbs down or your middle finger. Put-downs are the best
    way to jog a band's memory. This instantly promotes you to the status of
    "Personal Friend Of The Band."

    Entertainers are notorious fakers & jokesters and never really prepare
    for their shows. They simply walk on stage with no prior thought to what
    they will do once they arrive. An entertainer's job is so easy, even a
    monkey could do it, so don't let them off the hook easily. Your request is
    all that matters.

    If a metal band had played at the club a few weeks ago, the next band that
    follows will automatically know every metal tune the previous band ever
    played, even if the current band is a blues or country band. It's the law.
    Feel free to yell AC/DC or SLAYER!! to a band that plays strictly originals
    or jazz for example. Conversely, Deadheads may yell for Grateful Dead tunes
    at a dance or metal band.


    When an entertainer leans over to hear you better, grab his or her head in
    both hands and yell directly into their ear, while holding their head
    securely so they cannot pull away. This will be taken as an invitation to a
    friendly & playful game of tug of war between their head and your hands.

    Don't give up! Hang on until the singer or guitar player submits. Drummers
    are often safe from this fun game since they usually sit in the back,
    protected by the guitar players. Keyboard players are protected by their
    instrument, & only play the game when tricked into coming out from behind
    their keyboards. Though difficult to get them play, it's not impossible, so
    keep trying. They're especially vulnerable during the break between songs.


    The best time to discuss anything with the band in any meaningful way is at
    the middle of a song when all members are singing at the same time (such as
    a multi harmony part). Our hearing is so advanced that we can pick out your
    tiny voice from the megawatt wall of sound blasting all around us.
    Musicians are expert lip readers too. If a musician does not reply to your
    question or comment during a tune, it's because they didn't get a good
    look at your mouth in order to read your lips.Simply continue to scream
    your request & be sure to over emphasize the words with your lips. This
    helps immensely. Don't be fooled.

    Singers have the innate ability to answer questions & sing at the same
    time. If the singer doesn't answer your questions immediately, regardless
    of how stupid the question may seem, it's because they are purposely
    ignoring you. If this happens, immediately cop an attitude. We love this.


    If you inform the band that you are a singer, the band will appreciate your
    help with the next few tunes, or however long you can remain standing on
    stage. Just pretend you're in a Karaoke bar. Simply feel free to walk up on
    stage & join in. By the way, the drunker you are, the better you sound, &
    the louder you should sing.

    If by chance you fall off the stage, be sure to crawl back up & attempt to
    sing harmony. Keep in mind that nothing assists the band more than
    outrageous dancing, third & fourth part harmonies, or a tambourine played
    out of tempo. Try the cow bell, they love the challenge. The band always
    needs the help & will take this as a compliment.


    Remember to allow enough time to make it from the stage to the bathroom in
    case of an emergency. On stage accidents are bad form. The band will carry


    As a last resort, wait until the band takes a break and then get on stage
    start playing their instruments. They love this. Even if you are ejected
    the club, you can rest assured in the fact that you have successfully
    completed your audition. The band will call you immediately the following
    to offer you a position. See you at the next gig ... The Band?
    Sparrows (Space Punk, LOUD):

  2. #2

    Join Date: Oct 2008
    Location: Southeast Michigan
    ME: RG1527, RG8527Z
    MB: SR706
    Rig: Mesa Boogie Roadster

    iTrader: 0

    Mainly applies to cover bands, but it's accurate enough.

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