How to Tour in a Band or Whatever

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Thread: How to Tour in a Band or Whatever

  1. #1

    Join Date: Nov 2008
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    How to Tour in a Band or Whatever

    Some great advice here:

    How to Tour in a Band or Whatever
    by Thor Harris

    1-Donít Complain. Bitching, moaning, whining is tour cancer. If something is wrong fix it or shut the fuck up you fucking dick. goddamn.

    2-If you fart, claim it.

    3-Donít Lose shit. Everybody loses shit. Donít fucking do it. Asshole.

    4-Donít fuck anyone in the band. There are tons of people to fuck who are not in this band. Dumbass.

    5-If you feel like shit all the time, drink less beer at the gig. You will play better & feel better. What are youÖ a child? Some have the endurance for self abuse. Most donít.

    6-Remember the soundmanís name. He will do a better job.

    7- Eat oranges. Cures constipation & prevents colds.

    8-Masturbate. DuhÖ Where & when? Be creative. Youíre an artist right?

    9-If YOU canít carry your suitcase 3 blocks, itís too goddamn big.

    10-Respect public space in the van. Donít clutter, you Fuck.

    11-If you borrow something, return it. Not Fucked Up.

    12-Do not let the promoter dick you or talk you out of the guarantee. If there were not enuf people there, itís their fault.

    13- Driver picks the music.

    14-One navigator only (usually sitting shotgun). Everyone else shut the fuck up.

    15-Soundcheck is for checking sounds. Shut the fuck up while everyone else is checking.

    16-Donít wander off. Let someone know where you are.

    17-Clean up after yourself. What are youÖ a goddamn toddler?

    18-Touring makes everyone bi-polar. Ride the waves as best you can and remember, moods pass. So donít make any snap decisions or declarations when you are drunk or insane.

    19-Fast food is Poison.

    20-The guestlist is for friends, family & people you might want to fuck. Everyone else can pay. They have day jobs.

    21- Donít evaluate your whole life while youíre sitting in a janitor closet waiting to go on. You think youíre above having shitty days at work? Shut up & do your goddamn job.

    This list was written under the influence of lots of esspresso & anti-depressants while on tour w/ such greats as Shearwater, Swans, Smog, Lisa Germano, Angels of Light, Bill Callahan & many more. I hope this list will help you get along w/ your co-workers whatever your job is. Contributions to the list by Jordan Geiger, Kimberly Burke, Brian Orloff, Brian Phillips Celebrity Gang Bang, Kevin Schneider, Jonathan Meiburg, Michael Gira and some other folks.

    Thanks for not being an asshole, Thor Harris

  2. #2

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    He's not wrong
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    RHLC Chief Promotions Officer

  3. #3

    Join Date: Sep 2008
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    That's probably good advice for most jobs.
    "They can kill you, but the legalities of eating you are a bit dicier." - David Foster Wallace

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