Disney bars band from playing at House of Blues, hilarity ensues.

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Thread: Disney bars band from playing at House of Blues, hilarity ensues.

  1. #1

    Join Date: Jan 2011
    Location: New York
    ME: Ibanez ARZ307FM
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    Disney bars band from playing at House of Blues, hilarity ensues.

    So apparently the Disney House of Blues books metal bands, but every now and again will randomly ban one that is coming through because of satanic imagery or some shit. It's pretty silly. Anyway, the latest victim is Exmortus (who are fucking rad, if you haven't heard them).

    In response, another band called Lich King posted this, which I can only assume was secretly written by Garret, on Facebook:

    Exmortus has been banned from House of Blues Orlando. This was the right decision. Having toured with them, we can attest to their blasphemous awfulness.

    Nick and I once watched Mario take a kitten from a little kid. When the kid began crying for him to give her her cat back, Mario then spoke to no one in particular. "Tears are the greatest of all rewards." He caught three tears in the palm of his hand and rubbed them over the poor mewling animal. He began to eat it slowly, staring into the kid's eyes. "Flesh is mere food. Suffering is the greatest meal."

    "Yes," David said, suddenly behind us. He hadn't been there a second before. "Cruelty is but a sacrament. The child has been anointed."

    Mario continued, crunching contentedly on the beloved pet. "Children are merely corpses that have not yet aged to ripeness. The wailing of souls in the void calls to me, and I will answer with blood."

    Conan appeared, wearing a cloak stained in ashes. He took out a rusted dagger and touched the flat of the blade to the little kid's forehead, and her eyes rolled back white. "Another innocent condemned to the pit by Exmortusss," he hissed. His tongue was that of a serpent's and his feet were as pigs' hooves.

    To our shame, Nick and I did nothing. We just watched it all happen with our mouths hanging open in horror. We talk about it sometimes in hushed whispers. "If only I'd done something," Nick chokes before burying his head in his hands and giving in to the sobs. I tell him there's nothing he could have done, but sometimes, in my darkest times of sleepless doubt, I wonder.

    So well done, Disney. You guys are really on the ball about spotting dangerous monsters. You've likely saved the souls of a few hundred Orlando citizens. Good job!
    Or maybe you just make dumb snap judgments based on t-shirt designs.

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  3. #2

    Join Date: Sep 2008
    Location: Woodbridge, VA
    ME: KxK ProtoVii-7
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    Well then.
    Division: American Metal without the suck.

    So live for today,
    Tomorrow never comes.
    Die young, die young,
    Can't you see the writing in the air?
    Die young, gonna die young,
    Someone stopped the fair.

  4. #3

    Join Date: Jan 2011
    Location: New York
    ME: Ibanez ARZ307FM
    Rig: Peavey 5150 II

    iTrader: 0

    Important to note: Exmortus are super chill dudes and pretty much the stereotypical "drink beer, shred and have a good time" - type band. They're not exactly slaughtering goats onstage.

  5. #4

    Join Date: Jun 2006
    Location: Earth
    ME: 02 NAMM Jackson RR
    MA: Takamine 12
    MB: Spector Euro 5
    Rig: SLO|Road King|‹berschall

    iTrader: 10 (100%)

  6. #5

    Join Date: Oct 2008
    Location: Southeast Michigan
    ME: RG1527, RG8527Z
    MB: SR706
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  7. #6

    Join Date: Sep 2008
    Location: Somerville, Ma
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    MA: Martin MC16-GTE
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    iTrader: 5 (100%)

    "They can kill you, but the legalities of eating you are a bit dicier." - David Foster Wallace

  8. #7

    Join Date: Nov 2014
    Location: Norman, OK
    ME: SG / Strat
    Rig: Laney IRT60H, Blues Jr.

    iTrader: 0

    Actually pretty clever, if you ask me... and you didn't. Bunch of mouse worshipers...
    All I can ask is that I suck a little less each time I pick up my guitar...

  9. #8

    Join Date: Sep 2013
    Location: Southern California
    ME: Jackson DXMGT
    MA: Mitchell MX400 BUB
    MB: Fender P Bass
    Rig: Laney IRT Randall RA412XL

    iTrader: 0

    Haha thats awesome

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