First, the fun part:
Because pictures are the most important part.
I'm pretty sure this is actually a cruise missile, in disguise. SO comically light, and it accelerates like the thing is rocket powered (at least, making concessions for the rider, lol). It's a 2015 Tarmac Expert, carbon frame, full Ultegra except for a FSA carbon crankset. Pretty damned awesome bike - I came down to this and a Cervelo R3, and honestly both would have been amazing bikes for different reasons (the Cervelo felt stable as hell, almost effortless to keep it pointed in a straight line, whereas this one felt a bit faster out of the gate and was almost shockingly light).
I'm going to spend the winter thrashing this thing on the trainer, and then in the spring go out there with the hatred of a thousand suns fueling my legs, and just crush it.