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Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker (spoilers)

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#1 ·
STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS



ahem*

i am the excite.
 
#75 ·
Maybe, but I'd want it for it's anti-inflammatory effects.

https://www.mamanatural.com/golden-milk/

What Is Golden Milk?
This liquid gold originated with ancient Ayurveda thousands of years ago. Traditionally, it's made with cow's milk, oil, spices, and turmeric. There are many variations out there, but they follow the same basic guidelines.

Turmeric is a potent anti-inflammatory that boasts a wide variety of amazing health benefits, including:

Supporting healthy digestion and liver function
Protecting the heart and brain
Supporting the immune system
Soothing joint discomfort and relieving inflammation
Supporting the nervous system
Promoting wound healing and skin health
Possibly protecting against diabetes and cancer

However drinking it in pure 2000 degree molten form could fucking kill you.
 
#77 ·
Holy. Shit.

Just got back from watching this, and I am pleased to say, I was completely fucking wrong. Might be my favorite Star Wars movie ever. Don't listen to the reviews. (Spoilers below)

[Potential Spoilers]

The best way I can sum up this movie is, it's the most expensive cult classic ever made, in 20 years, this might be regarded as a masterpiece of post modernism. It's like the modern version of Jorowdoskys Dune, in the sense it's an impressive spectacle, but trying to make sense of what is actually happening is impossible. Honestly, I'm incredibly surprised it saw the light of day in this form. What kind of focus groups did they test this shit on?

Brief timeline of seeing it,

5 Minutes in: I have no clue what the fuck is happening here
10 Minutes in: FUCKING KLAUDE
15 Minutes in: Fucking potato aliens
20 Minutes in: I'm pretty sure they misunderstood the playfully cranky relationship many people have with C-3PO in the original trilogy and just inserted twenty minutes of scenes where Poe is just a mega douchebag to C-3PO for no reason.
25 Minutes in: Holy shit, this is a hot mess
40 minutes in: This is like, the greatest third part of a trilogy ever, the only problem is the first two movies its continuing the plot of don't exist
75 minutes in: I've stopped counting the number of bizarrely nonsensical plot developments that are never referenced again

It was like a '70s Acid Western. Like, El Topo style shit. It was so batshit insane. Trippy as fuck-The ambiguity of the Emperor Palpatine scenes. There's like, this huge amorphous mass of spectators and all kinds of abstract shit.

I absolutely loved it. I doubt the intention was to make the movie they ended up making. But it straddles that rare area of legend where you can never quite tell if its a huge piece of shit or a work of genius.

I do think there were some legitimately bold choices too. Having a bunch of stuff take place in characters heads was sick. The more psychedelic and abstract depiction of The Force was sick.

This movie, whether intentional or not, put the camp back in Star Wars. And for that, I'm grateful. The fucking dumbass plot twists coming out of nowhere. It's like, "Is this so bad it's good, or is there some progressive brilliance here?"

Basically, the movie is legitimately batshit insane and makes zero sense. It's glorious. It's a bizarro remix of a bunch of different moments from other Star Wars strung together.

It's seriously one of the weirdest things you can watch.

Don't listen to the reviews that make it sound like it was written to appeal to focus groups. I don't know who the fuck this was made too appeal to.

For being visually probably the most goregous movie I have ever seen, there were so many hilariously campy moments. Like, '70s Italian Batman levels of camp.

The FUCKING HUX "plot twist"' and the amount of new characters they introduce with gravitas like, "your supposed to know who this character is even though they have never appeared before" is hilarious. It's so incredibly disjointed it feels like a series of bizarre hallucinations.

It was literally the perfect melding of the most insane production values of all time and the most amateurish pulp and sci fi plotting of the 50s-70s. Huge swathes of the story straddle that magic zone between, "either this is really deep and symbolic or this is complete shit".

The reaction in my theater was incredible. Zero laughs. Zero cheers. The movie could have been in a different fucking language, no one had any idea what was happening.

Also, for the most visually impressive movie I have ever seen, the crudely spliced scenes of Carrie Fisher talking to other actors are fucking hilariously amateurish.

It's basically a series of entirely disjointed non sequiters. If you go in expecting a cohesive linear plot, you will probably not like it.

I'm a Star Wars fan, so I have a lot of experience trying to make sense of their stupidly convoluted plotting, but I still have no fucking clue what the plot of the new trilogy was/is, and honestly I kind of like it that way.

In 5 years from now, everyone will be like, "this was a total piece of shit". In 20 years from now it's going to be a cult classic, mark my words.

I was probably the only person in the theater who was into the part at the end where somehow the people riding goats from earlier in the movie end up in space riding goats into battle on a Star Destroyer, but god damn it, I was really into it.

I was actually the loudest voice before seeing it being like, "BRINGING PALPATINE BACK IS UNINSPIRED SHIT, BOO THIS MOVIE". But he was the best part of the movie. So fucking weird and gross. No one else in the theater was into the scene where he holds up his decaying hands or the skin gets melted off his skull in a bizarrely graphic way for a Star Wars movie, He's just this gnarly corpse who may or may not be a hallucination held up by a crane.

Basically, a lot of people will hate it, a lot of people will only like it for the spectacle, but how it turned out, whether intentional or not, is fucking amazing. :lol: This movie doesn't even believe in exposition. At all. It's not just like, "the plotting is sloppy hollywood action movie shit", it's like, "this was originally a six hour movie, but we accidentally deleted 60% of the scenes that make up the connective.

Honestly, I don't want to know where the fuck Lando got that fleet. That would ruin the magic. I don't want to know how they got the goats in space. I don't want to know what the fuck was going on with Hux.

It actually reminded me a lot of movies like The Fall. It was awesomely abstract for a Star Wars movie. A lot of people will hate it, a lot of people will only like it for the spectacle and the fanservice moments, as someone who has always hoped Star Wars would embrace more of the weird stuff, I thought it was awesome, no matter how weirdly constructed it was, it was definitely weird as fuck. It was like, Twin Peaks esque in spots. Like, "someone's evil twin wearing an eyepatch just showed up, and that's somehow the most sensible part of this plot. For a movie that is supposedly largely centered around Emperor Palpatine returning, they don't even try to explain it. No one can keep track of the Orders. There's the New Order, the First Order, the Last Order. Who the fuck cares. Also, he apparently had tons of sex, because he has kids and grandkids.

Also, I thought Daisey Ridley was incredible in all her unhinged glory, Adam Driver is talented, and I like him in stuff like Terry Gilliams films, but I feel like at times he wasn't given enough to work with.

I also particularly enjoyed how the guy making the BITCHING EVIL ARMOR for the Knights of Ren isn't even an alien they tried to design. It's seriously just a Chimpanzee wearing a welding mask. It's either the greatest Star Wars alien design of all time, or the laziest. This is the kind of movie that will just randomly cut to a scene of Chimpanzee wearing a welding mask doing Chimpanzee welding things and expect the viewer to connect the blanks.
 
#78 ·
Other than (1) the Deus Ex Machina moment with Lando and (2) the horses on the star destroyer, I loved the movie. They made the emperor's return work, I was not expecting it to work and was expecting to hate it. That scene though with young Luke training Leia, I feel bad we didn't get more of that in the late 80's when the actors were young. I'd have loved to see the Thrawn Trilogy played out on film.

I think the bigger questions now are (1) What did this trilogy accomplish, (2) Does Disney realize how big of a mistake it was to not have an overarching plan for the story for the trilogy from the beginning? The story of this trilogy was basically "The emperor wasn't fully defeated after ROTJ, so we had to fully defeat him." - that's insane and a clear cash grab. No real new types of enemies, no real new challenges, no re-defining of the interaction between the force and the living. These are solid films and I enjoyed them, but the sequel trilogy is ultimately quite hollow in the greater SW lore. I'm happy John Favreau will be manning the next few films, it will be interesting to see where he takes it.
 
#79 ·
Other than (1) the Deus Ex Machina moment with Lando and (2) the horses on the star destroyer, I loved the movie.
First off, they were clearly taun taun goat things, and secondly, that was the best part of the movie.

It would have been offputting if it had been a movie completely bereft of bizarre moments, but as the climax of the movie that was just a string of bizarre moments, it was a masterstroke.

They were also being ridden by the gang of ex-storm troopers that were introduced for no discernible reason. The one where it looked like they intended to give Finn a new love interest, because Disney is too cowardly to have Rose or Poe as his love interest. But that doesn't end up panning out, so it's just a bizarre aside in a movie full of bizarre asides.

I'm not a super woke person, and I'm not gay, but even I could tell that the most romantic chemistry in this trilogy was between Poe and Finn. It wouldn't have been "shoe-horning in a gay couple", it just would have made sense from a narrative standpoint.

I also love how the first third of the movie is playing up Finn being like, "Yo Rey, I have to tell you something" and then that plot thread is completely abandoned and never mentioned again. :lol:

Great movie, but there was no internal consistency at all,within the movie itself or within the movie relative to other Star WArs movie, like, we have an entire saga that memorably ends with the Death Star fucking blowing up.

But nope. The Death Star didn't actually blow up, it crashed into one of the well known oceans of a moon of Endor. :lol:

I fucking loved it in all it's ridiculous glory. Oh look, they found a Sith dagger, oh look, we just suddenly cut to a scene of Chewbacca handing a storm trooper the dagger with no explanation how we got there.
 
#80 ·
I also love how the central theme of the movie is that the Emperor is evil because he wants to enslave the entire galaxy.

And then it's revealed that his plan to enslave the entire galaxy consists of blowing up every planet.

Honestly that would have made a great ending scene, the Emperor realizing he really didn't think through his plan fully and it will be very difficult to enslave an entire galaxy and rule them with an iron fist if he's already blown them up.

This man is entirely unqualified to be an Emperor. Has he ever even taking an "Enslaving and ruling a galaxy 101" course?

They are getting so carried away with the planet blowing up shit. :lol: It narratively made sense originally, because it was an evil Empire intent on enslaving the galaxy doing a drastic thing to make an example.

But now their characterization has entirely shifted from. "An evil empire intent on enslaving and ruling people" to "a bunch of guys that just really enjoy blowing planets up". Which honestly, I'm ultimately OK with. The flaw of this trilogy in retrospect is that they even tried to have parts that made sense, they are better off just fully embracing the ridiculous camp. They were getting carried away with that in the old EU too, with stuff like the Sun Crusher.

Originally the empire were just evil guys who did the evil thing of blowing a planet up once because it made sense from a tyrannical overlord standpoint to make an example, but now they are just planet demolition enthusiasts.
 
#81 ·
Space Necromancer Palpatine was the fucking best though, completely agreed there.

That is legitimately the only way to describe him, I fucking love the scene where he necromances/summons like, a billion Star Destroyers from......somewhere?

That was legitimately the fucking funniest part of the movie, although I was the only one in my theater who thought so, the scene at the end where Palpatine is like, "Check out my hands" and he holds them up and they're rotting and literally falling apart. :lol: He's giving this speech on how being a Sith is the fucking best and is like, "In addition to all that other shit I just mentioned, your hands look like this."

My interpretation of the film was a lot of it is symbolic and allegorical and not literally happening in the Star Wars universe. Star Wars acid fever dream.

The scene where Kylo is like, "What about Snoke?" and palpatine is just like, "I made snoke" and it switches to this shot of like, a bunch of different snokes growing in tanks. :lol:

The film may not have been cohesive or sensical at all, but gross space necromancer palpatine gets an A+ in my book.
 
#82 ·
I think these movies should have focus on Luke, Leia, Han, Lando and Chewie. Sending them off essentially.
The kids could have come later on and made a whole other series based on those for the new generation.

SPOILERS:
Because back in the day Han & Leia had twins. They made Rey & Ben attempted lovers in the end. Which was so dumb. Lord...

Also. The whole Emperor Palpatine isn't farfetched because there was a Series where he came back as a clone. That being said, I loved the interpretation of him in this movie. It was so dark and creepy. I really enjoyed that. But we all know that Throne Room should have been for Vader. Alas, I loved that whole planet and etc.

I thought every new character did their characters justice finally. Though it took three movies to get there. I was more pissed off that the rest of the movies: 7 & 8 weren't as entertaining or good as 9. Which depend on how you look at it, it's either good or bad.

I think in the end it was the best they could do with what was ruined. Which some decisions along the way. If you can ignore it's not that bad of a movie. It's a spectacle if nothing else.

Where I get confused is how Rey & Ben seem like they have unlimited power. And did Rey really overpower the Emperor or was it the force behind her with everyone else? I don't know. Sloppy in some aspects but I enjoyed it in a lot of ways as well.

At least we got a proper soundtrack from John William's none the less.
 
#89 ·
It's hard to even make a top 10 list of the most gloriously ridiculous moments in this movie.

-Nu-Tarkin looks directly at the camera with his sparkly blue eyes and says, "Sir, can I just say before I destroy all these rebels, it's fantastic to have you back as Emperor, damn it feels good to be a gangster."

-Kylo Ren, in spite of being the leader of the First Order, is still insecure enough in his evilness that he starts every group meeting by slapping the severed head of a low ranking henchman down on the table to set the mood.

-Kylo Ren, who once again, has killed a shit ton of innocent people, is reformed by what basically amounts to a phone call from his mom.

-For some reason the only way to get to the remains of the second death star is a sail boat.

-In a clear attempt to imitate a bit of Indiana Jones. Poe looks at a skeleton and says, "BONES, WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE BONES, I CAN'T STAND BONES." Snakes are funny. Being afraid of bones is just kind of...... pathetic. Suddenly Poe has a phobia for bones. After multiple movies and a back story in which he presumably would have seen one or two bones.

-Chewbacca, who has already been established as a furious creature who once almost impulsively strangled Lando for betraying Han is shown helpfully handing over the Sith dagger to some storm troopers with zero resistance. Storm Troopers who probably didn't even know he had the important Sith Dagger Mcguffin. "Where's Chewbacca?" "Oh, there he is helpfully handing over the Sith Dagger to a storm trooper." It's like the Star Wars equivalent of if a cop said hello to you on the street and you were like "THERE ARE A SHIT TON OF DRUGS IN MY CAR".

-"What's that in the distance......could it be, the annual state fair of the potato headed aliens?"

-Palpatine announces, "The First Order, pfffffft, fucking amateurs, this is the last order motherfuckers." That's like, an Ice-T level boast.

-"Hey, you know that scene with Rey talking to evil Rey? Well last night I was watching the Fellowship of the Ring, and you know that jump scare where Bilbo makes a scary face?"



"Snoke? I've got like four Snokes. I have so many Snokes I don't even know what to do with them."

-"Never underestimate a droid" is introduced as the 328th catchphrase they have tried to get to catch on. In spite of the fact that the catchphrases that have already caught on like "i have a bad feeling about this" and "i know" are already overused and groan worthy enough.

-Palpatine, a man who spent decades meticulously plotting the downfall of, announces his return with a radio commercial.

-Rose shows up in a very clearly demoted role as a pathetic concession to soothe the bruised egos of Star Wars fans.

-"Holocrons are too mainstream, what if they just write all their important shit on daggers?"

-Poes gradual journey from just being a massive dick to C-3PO to being weirdly threatened by C-3PO, all while cosplaying as Indiana Jones.

-OH SHIT, POES EX GIRLFRIEND IS ONE OF THE DUDES FROM DAFT PUNK

-Poe asks a lady if he can kiss her in a scene that is meant to be a hilarious moment. But it's never made clear whether he meant with or without the helmet. Did Poe just plan to make out with that helmet? We may never know.

-"The test audiences aren't loving it enough. There aren't enough nostalgic references. Can we get one of those guys who played a hobbit to stand around? That's what this movie is missing, a moment inserted for the sole appeal of giving the audience the chance to say, "HOLY SHIT, THAT'S THE SAME GUY WHO PLAYED THAT ONE HOBBIT. Not one of the important hobbits, Elijiah Wood would be too expensive. Maybe the Hobbit from lost, I bet he's doing fuck all these days."

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved the movie, but it was the best kind of over the top stupid absurd.
 
#90 ·
I ended up watching it today, partially because I just felt that, with a movie that big, it was unrealistic to expect I could wait until it was on streaming/home video before getting the plot spoilered to me. Especially considering that literally days after I watched Avengers: Endgame, the plot was being spoilered literally EVERYWHERE from internet memes to talk shows to random spots. It was like "Damn, I'm glad I saw that in the theaters. Seems no one has any respect for spoilers when it comes to the huge films."

Overall, despite all its flaws, I thought it was the best film in the new trilogy. WAY better than The Force Awakens or The Last Jedi. From the prequel trilogy, I'd say that I probably prefer Revenge of the Sith over any of the three films from the new trilogy, but I do prefer Rise of Skywalker over The Phantom Menace or Attack of the Clones.

It's also probably the most visually stunning film in the Star Wars series so far. I'm glad I saw it in theaters, but I can see why a lot of people basically said it was "okay."
 
#91 ·
Went back for a second viewing today, and watching TLJ and TRoS pretty much back to back made me realise the biggest issue with TLJ is how little it actually moves the plot forwards. Almost half of TLJ is spent on a plot line that ultimately goes nowhere; TRoS in contrast ends up having way too much stuff crammed in to it.
 
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