Crue / Poison / Def Leppard Tour - Page 5
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Thread: Crue / Poison / Def Leppard Tour

  1. #33


    Join Date: Oct 2008
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    It's not like the pseudo-Vince could actually be worse.

    KISS is already half stand-ins anyway.

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  3. #34


    Join Date: Jan 2013
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    Quote Originally Posted by jacksonplayer View Post
    It's not like the pseudo-Vince could actually be worse.

    KISS is already half stand-ins anyway.
    More like 3/4. Apparently Paul's been piping his vocals.

  4. #35


    Join Date: Feb 2010
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris View Post
    Those guys should just hire a really top notch tribute band to tour in their place, with the full production & budget behind them. They could literally sit on their asses for a decade while drowning in money, tickets would sell like mad. Because people have awful taste in music and make bad decisions.
    There's only one band worse than KISS.

    Coincidentally, that band is Motley Crue.

    Motley Crue is like KISS without any of KISS's redeeming virtues.

    Which is interesting, because KISS has no redeeming virtues.

    Motley Crue is music for people who think gas station beef jerky is a food group. Motley Crue is like the band equivalent of that one shitty uncle who spent all the money he was supposed to spend on child support on a motorboat. Motley Crue is the musical equivalent of a sports illustrated swimsuit edition with the pages stuck together. Motley Crue is like cockroaches who just won't die, cockroaches who unironically think they are the epitome of masculinity even though they write the lamest most effeminate music known to man.

    They almost put a Motley Crue song on the record they sent out on the Voyager Probe. Not because it was an important milestone in human history, but because one less Motley Crue song on Earth is a positive thing.

    Know why Motley Crue didn't play at the Moscow fest in 1992 with all their "peers" (and I use that term extremely loosely, Motley Crue has no musical peers)? because everyone was like, "If we let Motley Crue play, all the Russian peasants will be like, 'maybe starving under the yolk of communism isn't all bad, if this is the alternative'."

    Once I thought I was looking at a page I thought was a roster of Motley Crue's lineup, but it turns out it was just the sex offender registry.

    The only reason Vince Neil didn't go to prison for any just amount of time for the 4-5 people he has negligently killed is because constitutional scholars thought subjecting other inmates to Vince Neil's presence was cruel and unusual punishment and they didn't want lawsuits.

    It's ironic that Christians had a little disagreement with them over the Shout At The Devil thing because coincidentally, Motley Crue is the single most compelling argument that the theory of evolution is a hoax.

    Motley Crue's tourbus is like the Cherynobyl of STDs. Motley Crue is the kid with the full length poster of a semi nude women in his locker telling you that it doesn't matter how hard something sucks, they got the chicks man.

    Motley Crue is the musical equivalent of the mudflaps on a semi after it has driven through a field of shit.

    The intro scene of the 1982 version of The Thing where the Norwegian dude in the helicopter is shouting warnings wasn't actually filmed for the movie, that's real footage of someone trying to escape a Motley Crue concert. Coincidentally, the proper way to deal with Motley Crue and the proper way to deal with The Thing are pretty much the exact same.

    The US Government can't take surveys of nationwide literacy when Motley Crue is touring, because if they are in your state it will automatically drag the average down like 8 points.

    The only good thing about Motley Crue is that Nikki Sixx has spent his bass playing career making double amputees look like stringed instrument virtuosos.

    Also, their book was co-written by this guy. The same guy who started the "pick up artist" culture.



    And the saddest thing about that is that he was still the closest thing to an artist that has ever graced Motley Crue's turgid history.

    The only reason Motley Crue is sometimes classified as "Heavy Metal" is because, "Music for dudes who think the lady bartender was actually flirting with them" is too long of a genre name to remember.

    If you ask a Motley Crue fan what the greatest injustice in history is, they will probably say, "The fact that Bon Jovi got used as the theme song for The Deadliest Catch, that discovery channel show about catching crabs. They should be using Motley Crue for the theme song.".

    Which is ironic, because a single member of Motley Crue has caught more crabs than the entire cast of The Deadliest Catch.

    They could have just called their song "Girls", but they repeated it three times, because the average listener of Motley Crue is totally the kind of person who thinks reminding you just once that they are like, so totally heterosexual dude, isn't sufficient.

    If you look at the google search history of the average Motley Crue fan, 85% of the searches are "Monster Truck Porn".

    The average member of Motley Crue is so fucking stupid they don't know how to shop on the internet, though Amazon Prime is like, their second favorite transformer dude.

    Motley Crue is for dudes who think bandannas are like Harry Potters fucking invisiblity cloak for concealing hair loss.

    Motley Crue fans are banned from most dating apps because their idea of an ideal first date is Applebees endless onion rings and sexual harassment.

    "Motley Crue" is coincidentally an anagram for "Troy Eel Cum", which is still a better stage name than most of the members of Motley Crue have, or Jizzy Pearl for that matter.

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  6. #36


    Join Date: Feb 2010
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    Originally they approached actors like Anthony Hopkins and Daniel Day Lewis for casting in "The Dirt", because everyone had to play two roles, they had to act as a member of Motley Crue, which is relatively easy, but they also had to act like Motley Crue wasn't complete shit/a total joke, which is a very challenging role that requires an Oscar winning level thespian.

  7. #37


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    Motley Crue is awesome and Kiss sucks.

  8. #38


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    I've never seem Joan Jett... maybe I should go just to check out the opener?

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