So ages and ages ago I bought a Warmoth Blank to do a Mockingbird project, since Warmoth isn't ballsy enough to do Mockingbirds as an option unfortunately. Anyways, the blank showed up, and it clearly wasn't big enough to do a Mockingbird, in fact, it wasn't big enough to do any cool shape (Ignitor/Warlock/etc. etc.) so I was like, “Fuck this, I'll just freestyle a sick 80s garage death/thrash shape on the scrollsaw without a plan”.
That sounds like a terrible idea, because it is, even if that is how B.C. Rich came up with most of their post 82 models. So I bandsawed for like, 30 minutes, and the shape I was going to freestyle wasn't going to work either because I realized the stock Warmoth control cavity was in the wrong spot.
So at this point I had nothing to lose, so I just sort of sawed through it. I remembered seeing Chris Holmes yellow star in it's current incarnation and the parts where the wood is missing have just been replaced with metal, and it looks cool in a post apocalyptic/second death star sort of way.
I know all you guys were impressed by that black hole shit in the news, but personally I don't think it's as mind blowing as this guitar. This guitar gives so few fucks, it's actually achieved a kind of recursive thing where it's ripped a whole in the time space continuum. This guitar cannot be defined by how few fucks it gives, but the concept of giving no fucks can be defined by this guitar. Ouroborous type shit. They have computers (Cern/Google/etc.) trying to find the largest new prime numbers in the most advanced scientific facilities in the world, and they still haven't gotten close to the amount of fucks Chris Holmes' star refuses to give. This guitar is a fucking inspiration to us all.
At this point it was already looking like shit, but I was like, “Whatever, I'm going to chamfer the edges with a drum sander in the yard.” Because when you reach the point in a project where you are using Chris Holmes as a baseline for sanity, you really have no where to go but up.
On big drums sanders you kind of have to be careful to hold on to the thing you are shaping, or else it can catch and get flung across the shop/yard/space/whatever. So of course while I was expertly shaping the iceman esque part, it got caught and flung like, 20 feet at a high speed into a tree.
At this point I realized the only thing I had accomplished was ruining the potential of this Warmoth blank. Albiet, this was no great crime, because their blanks are kind of small and the only thing I could have done was like, a child sized telecaster. Since a telecaster is a shape made by countless CNC machines better than anybody could make it by hand, it's kind of pointless to hand make your own blank into something you could buy. It will never be as good. Even if you are some Rain Man like savant of hand shaping guitars. You will never compete with a semi-sentient guitar shaping artificial intelligence. So I said fuck it and threw it in a closet for like a year.
Fast forward to a month ago. I found a half used kit of “Authentic Rust Finish”. An arts and crafts kit intended for menopausal women who have recently retired who want to give their fruit bowls a dash of rustic flare. I don't know why people want to give their fruit bowls a look like that, but the world is a strange place, and the tastes of menopausal women are difficult to understand.
At this point I realized that this blank I had sitting around forever had zero potential as a usable guitar, but it would be a blast to make a Mad Max looking prop. All the post apocalyptic takes on guitars I have seen suck. They are either made by people who know shit about proper post apocalyptic fiction, people who know fuck all about guitars, or people who know fuck all about both. Burning Man attendee type hippie motherfuckers. I wanted something that looks like something a character like Deep Friah might play.
I got inspired by a ton of Mad Max concept art.
The finish technique was proprietary. After applying the authentic Rust finish I buried it in a snow drift for a week to make it gnarly. The first coat looked kind of gnarly in a quaint way, but I was like, "this isn't trve kvlt, I need real rust" so I buried it in the snow for like a week. If you bury something in the snow while the paint is still wet it's a super advanced guitar finishing technique.I took it out and it looked pretty good.
I take it down like, once a week and just throw some random finish on it. Throw some metal flake type shit in the finish and slap some on. I think it needs another rusting before I sand it and clear coat it. It needs some more post apocalyptic-izing too. I need to salvage some obscure technology and bolt bits of it to it.
And that's how we got to this point.
I don't know what's worse, how this Warmoth blank ended up, or the fact that it's still a better looking design than 95% of indie luthiers attempts at high end instruments. The shape needs some refining and the metal needs to be bent to the right shape, but it's surprisingly close.
I actually think the shape, properly done, has potential, it's kind of a feudal Japanese Mockingbird/Iceman/Warlock combo. Might get another Warmoth and actually plan it out with pleasing proportions.