FS DiMarzio Crap, er, Crunch Lab 7 - Greatest Pickup In All The Land
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Thread: DiMarzio Crap, er, Crunch Lab 7 - Greatest Pickup In All The Land

  1. #1

    Join Date: Sep 2008
    Location: Boston, MA
    ME: EBMM(s)
    MB: Spector Legend 4
    Rig: AFX3 / KPA / MKV

    iTrader: 34 (100%)

    DiMarzio Crap, er, Crunch Lab 7 - Greatest Pickup In All The Land

    Do you live for icepick tone? Is the first Immortal album your definition of bold, strident, treble-focused glory? Do your bandmates constantly say things to you like:

    - Are you sure the treble and presence are all the way up?
    - If we remove the midrange knob, will that take it out even more?
    - My ears are only bleeding a little bit, maybe if we boost it...

    Do you really just hate good sounding pickups and want to reach the top of Shitty Tone Mountain in style? Then friends, look no more! For I have JUST the thing to take your tone to *never before reached levels of thin and brittle goodness!


    This came in my USA Made™ John Petrucci™ Music Man™ guitar, so it obviously goes without saying that this pickup will make everything you play sound exactly like Awake. There's no way that a man who has this not-at-all-ridiculous-looking beard would ever use anything but the best and you know it.

    This sweet piece of Americana surely won't last, because I'm offering it up at an **MG-only price of just $40 shipped! That's right! For a mere forty dollars you can turn ***any guitar that you own into something worth of every church-burning in Finland.

    *unless you already own one
    ** i'm putting it on ebay too
    *** as long as it fits seven string pickups, or you are rocka

    Step right up and get yourself a sweet fucking CrapLab, and may all your djent miming dreams come true. This totally DOES djent! In fact that's all it does, because if you play djent then you deserve this pickup. It's like a match made in product-schilling, instagram filtering, step editing shit you can't actually play because you spend all your time youtubing instead of practicing heaven!

    I'll even throw in this pre-Photoshopped edit free of charge. Tell your followers that this is what it looks like in person. You'll never meet them anyway so they'll never know. Hell, tell them this is your guitar too, I don't care!

    This amazing deal is sure not to last, so hurry up and hit that reply button to make this piece of shit pickup all yours!


    Q: Will this pickup fit in my (insert guitar here)?
    A: Fuck you.

    Q: How does it sound in (insert tonewood here)?
    A: Fuck you.

    Q: How much lead is on it?
    A: Fuck you, it's still in the guitar. Probably 6 inches, but I'll take it when the replacement arrives.
    A: PS: Fuck you.

    Q: Will you ship it to non-CONUS?
    A: Fuck you.

    Q: Want to trade it for (insert item here)?
    A: Fuck you.

    Q: Hey it's me Zepp...
    A: Fuck you.

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  3. #2

    Join Date: Dec 2011
    Location: vancouver, bc

    iTrader: 2 (100%)

    can i flip the bar towards the bridge and still retain the awfulness?
    Jesus dies at the end....

  4. #3

    Join Date: Sep 2008
    Location: Woodbridge, VA
    ME: KxK ProtoVii-7
    MA: Martin D-28
    Rig: Mesa/Boobies Stiletto

    iTrader: 2 (100%)

    Quote Originally Posted by TheKindred View Post
    can i flip the bar towards the bridge and still retain the awfulness?
    Fuck you.

    So live for today,
    Tomorrow never comes.
    Die young, die young,
    Can't you see the writing in the air?
    Die young, gonna die young,
    Someone stopped the fair.

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  6. #4

    Join Date: Sep 2008
    Location: Herndon, VA
    ME: Sterling JP70
    MA: Alvarez
    MB: Ibanez Cheapo 9000
    Rig: MB TriAxis > 50/50

    iTrader: 5 (100%)

    <<<< fuck this dude jfc what a cunt
    [Leon] 10:03 pm: She can poop on my chest anyday

  7. #5

    Join Date: Sep 2010
    Location: flagstaff
    ME: Suhr, Warmoth, rg550
    Rig: Mark V:25 & Mark II

    iTrader: 4 (100%)

    Fuck me.

    That pickup is awesome.

  8. #6

    Join Date: Sep 2008
    Location: Kitchen/Laundry Room
    ME: Ironing Board
    MA: Laundry Mangle
    MB: Cascade Dish Detergent
    Rig: Washing Machine

    iTrader: 2 (100%)

    The only pickup fit for a man that wears a beehive on his face.
    Argbadh - RHLC©

  9. #7

    Join Date: Sep 2008
    Location: Lake District, UK
    ME: Blackmachine
    Rig: Helix/Matrix/Zilla

    iTrader: 11 (100%)

    Fuck Drew

  10. #8

    Join Date: Sep 2011
    Location: The Swamp
    ME: Wolfgang
    MA: Grandpas guitarz
    MB: lol
    Rig: EVH

    iTrader: 0

    I bet it Djents LAMF though.

    Edit: Fuck me!!
    Vag Jackson, Man Of Action

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