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Hates Richie Kotzen
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14,719 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·

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Hates Richie Kotzen
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14,719 Posts
Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Although I am terrible with commas, and writing/grammar in general has degraded across the entire population due to the effect pandemic era isolation has had on everyone's mental health, I am pretty sure that last sentence should read "How many times would I have to wash the blood out of my stage clothes before I'd realize that the fame and fortune wasn't worth the price of transporting a severed head in a damn duffel bag?"

So I'm guessing there was no editor involved here.
 

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Premium Member
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This makes me glad I only read technical manuals and scientific journal articles.
 

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Bah. I still suck.
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I mean, spending that much time around Mustaine might elicit some fantasies about a severed head....
 

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Hates Richie Kotzen
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Those first ~3 paragraphs are definitely a hot mess. It would be acceptable if it was in a medium that wasn't exactly known for its permanence, like email or text messaging or posting. It would also be somewhat more acceptable if it was later in the book, since people won't mind if you suck as much there if you had a really strong beginning. As it stands, I don't ever think I've seen "this is going to cause a headache just reading it" accomplished in so few sentences.

How can a thought grow physically violent? Is he going to state the head is severed every time he mentions it? If the head is already in a duffel bag isn't that kind of redundant? Isn't "All I had on me" a phrase usually reserved for stuff like, "All I had on me was the money in my pockets"? A duffel bag with a severed head, a guitar case, and a physically violent thought are rather a lot to have on you. Did he mean "all I had with me"? That is also rather a lot to have with you. "That thought" had been there since the beginning, but the beginning of what exactly? The beginning of time?

He also doesn't sound like a very good hitman. Not only does he keep killing people in stage clothes he will later have to wear, he doesn't have any methods for assassination that don't leave blood everywhere.

Then he transports the evidence of his assassination via passenger train. Which is confusing because the book is set in the modern day, and that seems like the worst way to transport a severed head in a duffle bag.

"All I had on me was a severed head in a duffel bag" seems like a rather large understatement.

The only impression this intro really makes is illustrating that Sledge, the rock star hitman, is really good at washing clothes. Since he keeps murdering people in his stage clothing and handwashing it out and no one has caught on to this yet.
 

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ya boi
ESP, Kemper, Marshall
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We really need to figure out how to make music more profitable again, so musicians will stop doing shit like this and just play the fuckin' guitar.
 

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Bah. I still suck.
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1,323 Posts
Touring. They wouldn’t have so much free time if they were touring. That’s where they make their most money.
 

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Hates Richie Kotzen
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
We really need to figure out how to make music more profitable again
I assumed that was why Sledge had become a hitman, because being a musician wasn't making any money.

But the blurb on Barnes and Nobles clarified it was actually a deal with a top secret government agency/an ancient cabalistic secret society/the devil.

I appreciate the straight up Bollywood title though. "Rock Star Hitman" has a ring to it. I would have gone for something more like BASSASSIN: GREATEST HITS OF AN ASSASSIN WHO ALSO PLAYS BASS. I haven't read the book, but maybe that is Rock Star Hitmans arch nemesis.

He sounds like one of those kitschy Batman villains from the 60s who have a ridiculous theme for all their crimes. Like calendar man. His modus opporandi all revolve around musical themes. He garrotes people with guitar strings and electrocutes them with ungrounded amplifiers and shit.

Like Mr. Freeze, most of his dialogue is groan worthy puns. Like replacing the word "trouble" with "treble" and saying, "how about we take it from the top" when he decapitates enemies for his duffle bag of severed heads.
 

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Is Actually Recording
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Wait, he got fortune and fame, and all HE had to do was transport a damned severed head in a duffel bag??

:rant:
 

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Super Moderator
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Thoughts:

1. Sledge must have a rather easygoing tour itinerary and generous per diem if he has time between gigs to take a train to a small Missouri town to drop off a severed head.

2. Clearly, "rock stars" randomly showing up in small-town Missouri will draw no attention or comment whatsoever.

3. Musical ability and Q-rating are absolutely important criteria when hiring someone for wet work.

4. I wasn't aware that bassists were literate, though the evidence here may be inconclusive.
 

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Is Actually Recording
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T

4. I wasn't aware that bassists were literate, though the evidence here may be inconclusive.
The former owner of aforementioned severed head isn't the only thing that's dead in this thread, it seems. :flame:
 

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I have angered the Noodles
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I think we missed the most obvious pun. His implement of decaptitation is an "axe".

I'm actually kind of curious to read this. How bad could it be?
 

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Read Only
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That page smaple gave me horrific flashbacks to my first writing class in college.

Remember when Merv Griffin was the elevator killer in The Man With Two Brains :rofl: that was more feasible than this mess.

Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : You. You're the elevator killer. Merv Griffin.

Merv Griffin : Yeah.

Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr : Why?

Merv Griffin : I don't know. I've always just loved to kill. I really enjoyed it. But then I got famous, and - it's just too hard for me. And so many witnesses. I mean, *everybody* recognized me. I couldn't even lurk anymore. I'd hear, "Who's that lurking over there? Isn't that Merv Griffin?" So I came to Europe to kill. And it's really worked out very well for me.
 

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Is Actually Recording
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If someone buys me the book, I will find out for everyone in the name of science
The only thing stopping me from sending you a copy, is I REALLY don't want this one included in Amazon's book recommendation algorithm for me. :lol:
 
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