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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So apparently the Disney House of Blues books metal bands, but every now and again will randomly ban one that is coming through because of satanic imagery or some shit. It's pretty silly. Anyway, the latest victim is Exmortus (who are fucking rad, if you haven't heard them).

In response, another band called Lich King posted this, which I can only assume was secretly written by Garret, on Facebook:

Exmortus has been banned from House of Blues Orlando. This was the right decision. Having toured with them, we can attest to their blasphemous awfulness.

Nick and I once watched Mario take a kitten from a little kid. When the kid began crying for him to give her her cat back, Mario then spoke to no one in particular. "Tears are the greatest of all rewards." He caught three tears in the palm of his hand and rubbed them over the poor mewling animal. He began to eat it slowly, staring into the kid's eyes. "Flesh is mere food. Suffering is the greatest meal."

"Yes," David said, suddenly behind us. He hadn't been there a second before. "Cruelty is but a sacrament. The child has been anointed."

Mario continued, crunching contentedly on the beloved pet. "Children are merely corpses that have not yet aged to ripeness. The wailing of souls in the void calls to me, and I will answer with blood."

Conan appeared, wearing a cloak stained in ashes. He took out a rusted dagger and touched the flat of the blade to the little kid's forehead, and her eyes rolled back white. "Another innocent condemned to the pit by Exmortusss," he hissed. His tongue was that of a serpent's and his feet were as pigs' hooves.

To our shame, Nick and I did nothing. We just watched it all happen with our mouths hanging open in horror. We talk about it sometimes in hushed whispers. "If only I'd done something," Nick chokes before burying his head in his hands and giving in to the sobs. I tell him there's nothing he could have done, but sometimes, in my darkest times of sleepless doubt, I wonder.

So well done, Disney. You guys are really on the ball about spotting dangerous monsters. You've likely saved the souls of a few hundred Orlando citizens. Good job!
Or maybe you just make dumb snap judgments based on t-shirt designs.
Whichever.
:lol:
 

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I am Groot
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Well then. :lol:
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Important to note: Exmortus are super chill dudes and pretty much the stereotypical "drink beer, shred and have a good time" - type band. They're not exactly slaughtering goats onstage. :lol:
 

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Is Actually Recording
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Wow. :lol:
 

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Safe Spaces Advocate
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Actually pretty clever, if you ask me... and you didn't. Bunch of mouse worshipers...
 

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Ear Punisher
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Be interesting to see Disney weigh in on said clever posting. Not that they would. Funny stuff though.
 
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